I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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