Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
