I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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