Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
