It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
