Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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