I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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