Im at strip club and am horny
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
