dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
