yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
