he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
you had me at cake vodka
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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