O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
