i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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