You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
