i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
