Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
