My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
