Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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