we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
