the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
