Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
