Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
