True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
