You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
