Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
