I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You're like the curious george of whores
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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