I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
