Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
