I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
