The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
