fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just high enough for therapy.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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