There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
