he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
