I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
