so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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