one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She's the barista slut.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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