it wasn't lemon gatorade
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
