By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
