my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
