Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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