Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
