we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
a search helicopter?!
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
