Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
