I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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