I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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