Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
