i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
