You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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