I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
