I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
