mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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