I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
