How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
