Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
