peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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