I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Your cock deserves a montage
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
