I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
