I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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