are you still at the devil's house?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
